WHY WHY WHY!!!

Throughout this adoption people have asked me questions... many of the same questions. So, I thought I would have a Q and A with myself to help y'all better understand this process we have to take to Everly.

* WHY do you want 4 kids?? Are you crazy???

Well, yes. We are crazy. Fruitloops. Bananas. And we are crazy about our kids and crazy about this family we have. Yes, our house is small. Yes, the kids will ALL have to share a room. We won't be making several vacations a year, we don't eat out a lot, our kids wear handmedowns and we LOVE Community Thrift Store. They don't get everything they want, we say no A. Lot. And there are times that I do lock myself in the bathroom for 5 seconds of peace and quiet. I ain't gonna lie. BUT... our kids love each other. We all love each other. There is one seat left at our kitchen table, perfect for our Everly. We don't have a ton of possessions and we aren't rich. But we have a lot of love to give each of our children and they really dig that. They think we are pretty cool :)

*WHY does it cost so much??

A China adoption costs roughly 25-28k. Sit back and take that in for a sec.
Okay, you are back. Awesome.
So when you adopt from China there are people involved. A homestudy agency that visits and asks lots of questions, the placing agency that is facilitating your adoption, immigration/fingerprints so you can bring your kiddo back, your dossier (a packet of notarized papers and forms that you gather) must be sent to a few places to be looked over and they each get a seal. They all want and need money to make this happen. THen you have your international flights, visas, hotels and food while there, Everly will have her visa appointment and her medical exam and she will need a flight home. There is also an orphanage fee that is paid directly to the place she lives.
So all of this costs money. Lots of it.

*Is this why you are selling bracelets, having yard sales, doing other fundraisers and contemplating selling your kidney?

Absolutely.

*Will she speak English?

Nope, not a word of English. She will strictly speak Mandarin. There will be a lot of charades going on at the Sharp house for a while :)

*You talk about adoption all the time. You adopt like it is your job. WHY??
We have a natural born desire to have more children. We love our family and we love the children in our family. There is a place for one more. We want one more. They are not a burden, they are a joy.
We feel as Christians we are called to defend the cause of the fatherless. We feel that we are inline with what we are supposed to be doing. Everly is a much loved and much wanted child by us. But she is also a child of the Father. We have room, she needs a family, we are called to do this in James 1:27. Boom. Done. It is a win win all the way around here people.
And we are now balanced! Partners for rides, buddy system in full effect, we got this!

As a side note, why do people ask why we would adopt "so many" kids anyway?? It would be like someone visiting their friend in the hospital after they have delivered a beautiful baby and say to them: "WHY DID YOU HAVE THAT BABY! ARE YOU CRAZY??

So, for the record we are crazy. Our goal in life is to be like Brad and Angelina.

There. I said it.

{Part Two}

So as you can imagine "Esther" was not meant for our family. But I believe that God was preparing us for an older daughter. I believe that, much like Esther in the Bible, he was preparing us to rely on Him and some pretty incredible unshakable faith. I believe that I was CHOSEN, much like Esther, to step out on that faith "for such a time as this"...

Love Gave.

LoveGave is a collaboration of churches in Charleston that are on mission together. Once a year they have a three day drive to support local non.profit organizations. This year they kicked it up a notch to say the least. Not only were they planning on raising money and supplies for the organizations, they also chose 10 families in the Charleston area to come around and monetarily support  in their adoption endeavors. Our family was incredibly blessed to be one of those families.
LoveGave took place on a Thursday night, all day Friday and was to wrap up Saturday at 7pm.

I tended to be there a lot during the celebration as 1. I couldn't stay away. 2. It was just charged with this crazy amazing energy. 3. I just couldn't stay away. So I was there a good bit of time helping the team with production and whatever else they needed me for.

As I was standing at the production table right in front of the stage I happed to look at my phone and saw there was an email from our agency and they got an update (finally) on Everly. I stepped away and read over the email and new pictures. I was DYING inside. I stared at this child for a while, just intently looking at her precious face. Her almond eyes,  plump lips and thick hair. I was doing jumping jacks and summersaults in my heart. After holding my phone and my emotions under control I couldn't do it anymore.

My dear friend Katie was hanging out with me that night. Katie is a lover of all things adoption and is actually awaiting another brother from Ch**a. She spent much time there, two years to be exact, working in orphanages loving on all kids Chinese :) I felt like I needed to tell Katie. I HAD to tell Katie. I called her over there and showed her the picture. That was all I did. I didn't speak a word. I didn't tell her what orphanage, province, boy/girl (Everly has really short hair in this particular picture, bless her.) I spoke not a single word. And then this happed.

"Penny, I know her."

What?!?!?

"I know her. She is in *** Province. I have hugged her. I painted her fingernails. I've hugged your daughter."

What?!?!?

She immediately began to cry. She then went on to tell me all about Everly, things I knew and some things I didn't know. She was freaking. I was freaking. She told me I need to call another one of our friends Autumn.

Before I called Autumn I was so incredibly visibly shaken I had to sit a hot second. I took a seat by a one of our pastors, the missions pastor to be exact. Funny how that works out. I sat down and I know he thought I was a freak crying in the middle of the day. I told him what happned and he looked at me. Then this happened.

"Penny, don't you remember?"

What?!?!?

"Don't you remember the orphanage we came around when Autumn was in Ch**a? We sent them boxes of craft supplies for their summer camp? You sent your daughter crayons."

What?!?

I (thankfully) got in touch with Autumn on the first try. I probably would have had a stroke otherwise. Autumn, come to find out, was actually IN Everly's orphanage for a few months.

WHAT?!?

Our church came around a few orphanages that Katie and Autumn were going to be spending time in. They wanted to have a camp for the kiddos and our church came along side of them, collected A LOT of stuff and mailed 25 boxes to them in Ch**a as they were traveling around the world. While the girls were traveling it was my responsibility to meet the FedEx truck at Autumn's house and make sure they got all tucked in the truck and were sent to the orphahages. As a matter I have some pictures from that day. Funny how God works in the tiniest details...

After talking to Autumn, I knew that I had to get my girl. And it was of utmost importance that I do it now.

I couldn't believe how God orchestrated such a story for our family. Long before we knew of Everly He was working and making things beautiful.

But, if I am going to be completely transparent.

Two days after we decided to move forward with Everly I wanted out. I mean like all out. Fear set in and I felt like it was going to swallow me whole. I sent a text to Katie and told her I couldn't do it.
Her needs were too much. We were not capable of being her parents. I questioned her relentlessly about her needs and if she was able to walk, talk, skip, dance, sing, go to the bathroom by herself, tie her shoe... you get the point. Could she do all of this like normal kids.

Katie's response rocked my world.

"I don't know if she can do all of that. But I know that she is a child of God and she is WORTHY to have a family. She is WORTHY."

Yes, sweet Everly, you are so worthy. You are worthy of a family and love and a home, baby girl.

We don't know what needs she will have coming home. We know her special needs listed but we also know that she has probably endured more and her little eyes have seen more than we all have in a lifetime. We will have struggles and set backs. Good days and bad days. Bad days and even worse days. We are working so diligently on paperwork and getting things in order to send our dossier to Ch**a.

Happy Birthday, precious daughter. I hope someone tells you today that you are special and loved. I hope with all of my heart that someone hugs you tight. This will be the last birthday you will be alone. I promise next year that you will have a HUGE party with all of your family and friends present to celebrate what a treasure you are. We are working so hard to bring you home soon.
And Everly, above all you are worthy.

{Part One}

I want to tell you about Everly. I want to tell you how God moved in our family and in our life to prepare us for her. But I feel that I need to start at the beginning and be really transparent. I want to soak in and not forget one single detail of HER story but I feel that I need to scoot back. WAY back....

A year and a half ago I approached Shannon about adopting again. He was hesitant at first. Okay, he was really hesitant. He is a realist and I... well, I lead with my heart. I would have 6, 7, 8 kids if he gave me the "yes" every single time. And this time, it was a "no". But I knew in my heart that it was time. MY time. MY time to be a mom again. So I begged and cried. I acted like a brat. I exhausted him. He was still pushing back with that yucky word... "no". So after trying to do it MY way I laid it down. As my friend Heather says, "Lay it at the foot of the cross." And I did just that. I laid it down. It was soooo hard to put it there and not revisit it every. single. day. But I did it and survived to tell about it. Oy vey... I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Just one more, God. Just let me be a mom one more time and I promise I won't ask again.

I began to come across the name Esther. Esther was everywhere I looked. Who knew that was my son's favorite book of the Bible? Who knew our vet techs name was Esther? It was in books, on the radio, TV... it was IN. MY. FACE.

On a random day, 9/11/13 to be exact, I was so sure in my heart I had found my Esther. Her Chinese name literally meant "Bright like a  star"... Esther means star. Esther, who was a pretty amazing woman in the Bible, was also adopted.

This particular girl was prissy, precious, a little older than I imagined my daughter to be, but none the less. I was sure.

A few days later, on a Thursday to be exact, Shannon came home and said that we needed to talk. Uh. Oh.

Our conversations went like this:

"So, are we going to do it again?"
Me:  Excuse me? What?
"Adopt. Are we going to adopt again? Because if we are

And at that point I was a hot mess. I mean HOT. Snot slinging, hugging, more snot, ugly cry. It was bad.

But I realized that this was not MY time. It was GOD's time. His time is so incredibly perfect.

Esther+husband that says yes= DAUGHTER!!!

So I began to pray. If this was God's plan for our family that he would open the doors. Esther wasn't agency specific. She didn't even have her paperwork done. And that if it wasn't His will he would close the door. Her paperwork, we would later find out would make it's way to Italy. This girl, who had just turned 9 on September 11th, the day I saw her face, was moving farther and farther away from us. Like really far. Italy far. Everything we tried to work out to bring her home just didn't fit. I cant explain it. It was more than really overcoming odds and trusting God to move mountains. It was suffocating, exhausting, and I felt we were running a race that we were waaaay off course for. And I was so right.

In the beginning of November I was looking at an agency website that has waiting kids from China. I like to torture myself, don't ya know. I came across this one particular girl that caught my eye. She reminded me soooo much of a friend's daughter. I knew I had seen her previously, actually not long after we came home with Sam. But we just weren't in a place to go there. She just looked SO familiar to me! So I see her on the website and it just got the best of me. I emailed the agency and asked for more information. I quickly got a reply back with her "file" (all of her medical and social information that Ch*&a provids to waiting families. I looked at it, called Shannon, and asked for more information called an update. I thought of her but just felt so... raw from what we went through a few months later that I was really afraid to go there. I didn't tell anyone about getting "Wanda's" file. No one. Not mom, not best friend of 25 years. No one. I just couldn't put anyone else back on this rollercoaster again. I was sure they were nauseous from the last ride. So, I kept it to myself.  We waited almost 5 weeks for an update. I would be lying if I said I checked my email like it was my job and my nerves were on edge. They just weren't. She was older, her needs were a little unclear and I was scared. So we waited on that email while fully engaging in life.

Then, LoveGave happened....

{to be continued...}

Sweet Everly

As most of you know we are adopting.... again. I say again because our journey was "done" when Norah came home. Just ask Shannon. Then Samuel came home and we were "done". Now we are going back again. Yes, again. So now when people ask, "Are you done??" I just say, "I have no clue!!" We are so excited to bring our girl home!! She has an incredible story. One that takes my breathe away each time I tell it.

This is just the beginning of her story. She is going to change hearts and lives, I can just feel that in my bones. I ache to hold her, to smell her, to kiss her. My heart aches for this girl I have never met. My thoughts go to her everyday as I see an empty seat at the kitchen table. I wonder if she has eaten today, yesterday. Will she eat tomorrow? Will she be hugged? Loved? Adored?

As of now we are gathering paperwork. Lots of it. But each step will bring us closer to the day she is our daughter.

I will start her story soon. The story of how she became Every Jane WanJun Sharp...

Stay tuned because it's a doozie!!

I Do...

I am sitting comfortably, in my living room, laptop out, furry companion by my side and my feet soaking in a Bubble Bliss. Yes, that's right, a Bubble Bliss. What is a Bubble Bliss you ask? It is a bubble massager for the feet that is amazing. My husband got it for me after I threatened him not to get me anything for Valentine's Day. Not a big fan of the day, never have been really. But yesterday I was especially lovey. Especially giddy. I don't know why but I was.

When Shannon came home he was holding the BB (Bubble Bliss) in one hand and his other arm outstretched to me. He hugged me and thanked me for being his wife. Well, the honor is all mine to be honest!

He is such a cool guy. I think we parent incredibly well and we are one heck of a team. He is fiercely protective of his family and his life. He is loyal and so very kind.

This is my very favorite picture. The picture that makes my heart all floppy when I look at. The picture that makes me stop in my tracks while I think of this amazing day.
This picture was taken at the airport when Shannon and Sam came home from China. The very first day that I met my newest and youngest son. The kids and I had a long three weeks without Shannon being home. The day that he left for China, I remember coming home and falling into bed, crying on his pillow. I was alone. With 2 kids. For 3 weeks. Without my very best friend. The days that would follow I would realize just how much he meanns to me and this family. I would realize that I missed him more than I ever thought possible. And I would realize just how much he did for me and our children. The first few days were rough. I felt like I was in a fog. I just wanted to pick up the phone and call him and tell him the small details. But most of all, I wanted to feel his foot rubbing mine as we lay in bed and talk about our days. Oh how I missed him.
The day that we were to go to the airport I was a nervous wreck. I was nervous about seeing him, meeting Sam and how our lives were to be from here on out. Thankfully my sister and brother in law were in town and they took all the kids out for the day and I had a little time alone before we were to leave. My mother in law and I left a bit early for the airport and went to Starbucks. Shocker, I know. After sitting there for 3.5 minutes we agreed that it was torture and we would just go to the airport a little (alot) early.
As Shannon and Sam were walking towards us the emotions that flooded my head were too many. There was my husband! And my son! Our family was complete! They were home!!! My father in law introduced me to my son and that was the most amazing feeling ever. It was so emotional and overwhelming. I loved on Sam, hugged on him and couldn't belive he was home!!! We we were walking to the baggage claim, both little kids wanted me to hold them. Welp, here we go. Welcome to mommahood with kids 9 months apart!! I was holding the little kids and people must have thought it was funny/amusing/I told you so/what in the world because flashes were going off and it was a kodak moment. They were heavy too! But I was doing my best and my arms were aching and I was sure about to fall off.

Then I feel it.

His arms. The arms that extended to put a ring on my finger. The arms that rejoiced with me when I told him I was pregnant. The arms that held my hand as we brought our son into the world. That reached out to a little girl he didn't even know and welcomed her into his heart with the first smile. The arms that hugged me goodbye at the airport as he embarked to China to bring home our new son. These arms were now holding mine as I tried with all my might to carry the weight of our children. How amazing it felt after all that time away from him to feel his arms so securely under mine holding me up.

I love doing life with him. Marriage with him and parenthood with him. It was my pleasure and the greatest day of my life when I said, "I do".

Ahhhh :)

I cannot believe that it has been July since I last posted! Things are crazy at the Sharp house as usual! We have really enjoyed the winter break and loved having the kids home and all in one place for a change! It seems during the week we are either taking, waiting or dropping off the children at one school or another. It was nice to sleep in and stay up late!
The kids had a great Christmas, although Sam didn't really know what was going on. He looked around somewhat confused at everything but it didn't take him long to figure out that those presents were for HIM!!

I'm taking some time away from facebook. Shocker, I know. Things are getting too chaotic for me and something has to give. Since it takes up a majority of my time, that's what needed to go. I find myself checking it at a red light, in car line at school, as soon as I open my eyes, in the tub... I mean really people. Get a life! And that's the crazy thing. I have one! But so much of my time is spent checking in on other peoples life that I neglect my own. Silly me :)

Next post.... Resolutions :) Be afraid. Be very afraid!!

The Truth

I would be lying if I said the last 4 months have been easy.


I would be lying if I said I never for one minute doubted my sanity.


I would be lying if I said I never questioned myself if we made the right decision in bringing another child into this family.


Fake it until you make it.


You see, these last four months have been the hardest times I have had for a while. The tears, the emotions, the adrenaline coupled with the lack of sleep. Fear and doubt creep into the most vulnerable of places and it takes over.


Scratches, pinches, clawing, screaming. Throwing things, breaking things, destroying things.


This little boy, fresh to his new home. New faces, smells, foods. New pillow, clothes, friends, family. A new caretaker, routine, a new language.


Was I thinking that his transition would be a seamless one? Of course I did! I prayed it would be that's for sure. But at the end of the day I would lay in bed and beg God to make tomorrow better. Help me to love him and care for him. Help me to keep my voice down and my head clear. Just one day. Just please let us have one good day. I would pray this every night. Every. Single. Night.


Until one night, I fell into bed... Thank you God, thank you for our good day. Thank you for this day of smiles and hugs and kisses.


Four months and I see that light at the end of the tunnel. There are less and less breakdowns on both of our parts. There is more obedience and less destructive behavior. There are more and more hugs and kisses and less scratches.


I tend to forget where Samuel came from. I tend to forget that the residuals of his abandonment and adoption as a toddler are there. These are not normal toddler behaviors. Most mothers get that bonding time when their babies are small. But I didn't have that with Sam. So we are truly starting as strangers and are growing closer to mother and son.


I am so thankful that this child is my son. I am thankful that God gave me the chance to know him and to spend my life being his momma.


But I also think it is important to show people that adoption isn't always rainbows and butterflies. That there are huge obstacles to overcome and these children have stories that we will never know. There are wounds that we as parents will never be able to heal.


But I see that light and I believe that we are coming out of the weeds and into the fresh air.


Thank you God, for your mercies that are new every morning.