Lighten up the load...

In the midst of this world wind we call life I am able to do a bible study by Ann Voskamp called "One Thousand Gifts." The purpose of the study is "to live fully right where you are." You daily record your gifts you have been given:

- the smell of my children after they are all bathed and jammied up

-my husband returning safely home from work

-our conversations around the dinner table

Those little moments that could very well pass you by and maybe not even recognize them as a "gift."
I have been writing them, I have been reflecting on them. But have I truly lived FULLY right where I am? Well the answer to that is no. Not even a maybe, but flat out no.

See, I have mentioned this before but this adoption has been.... different. Different for several reasons. It has been our most emotional adoption by far. For me anyway.

It has been filled with twists and turns and upside downs that often make me nauseous. It has been one thing after another financially. It has been a train wreck of a paper trail to this child.

Maybe it has been most difficult because she is older, because she has undoubtedly seen many things that children should not see or endure. Because she goes to bed at night without someone tucking her in. Because she doesn't have her family. Yet.

Eucharisteo:  Joy. Grace. Thanksgiving.

I have really been trying to wrap my head around this word that I can barely pronounce, yet I am drawn to it. Drawn to its meaning, to its place in my life and to the three words that proceed it.
Joy. Grace. Thanksgiving.

Have I been living in Joy? Have I taken advantage of his grace extended to me? Have I fully recognized the Thanksgiving that is due Him?

The answer again is no.

I have been concentrating on everything that has gone wrong. I have been fixated on time lines and setbacks. I have been consumed with getting things done in the time frame I feel we need to be on.

I feel at times that this isn't really going to happen. I feel that we are not prepared ( and we aren't!! the poor kiddo has a dress and a pair of shoes!!). I feel in my heart that she needs ME, that at times I am fighting for her soul. I am fighting tooth and nail for her to be my daughter. I am exhausted. I am a hot mess. I am depleted.

I worry constantly because we are lacking about 12,000.00 to bring her home. I will now be traveling alone due to our financial crisis. I call it a crisis... because it is. I will leave my family and travel to a foreign country to get my daughter. Without my husband. I'm not scared, I can do this. But I don't want to. I want my husband in that room with me. I cannot do this without him. It is like being in the birthing suite without your best friend, your soul mate, your rock.
I'm a little bitter and confused.

Why? Why is the fight so hard?

Because it isn't about me. It isn't about Everly. It isn't about the money or the struggles.

It is about the testimony. It is about what God is doing in her life... and in ours.

It is about this really awesome wicked cool story that we are going to share one day, a story that only GOD can be in, empty of me.

Everly belongs to God, just as my other children do. He knew her before she was formed in her mother's womb. He knows how many hairs on her head and every desire in her sweet heart. He knows the needs that she needs met and we are prayerful that He is preparing her heart for us.

So in this day to day I will strive for Eucharisteo. I will strive for Joy and Grace and Thanksgiving. I will strive to be filled with grace and thanksgiving at each set back. I will strive for joy when things take a little longer. I will tell, with thanksgiving, all of the amazing ways that people are stepping into our lives and are giving of their time and talents and monetary donations. I will be intentional about living in the moment and living fully. Not with bondage or sadness, not with frustration or stress. But with thanksgiving that she is my daughter. My beautiful daughter that WILL come home in HIS time.

I am thankful for those of you that have really touched my heart. I am thankful for the encouragement, the hugs and phone calls, the ways that you are helping bring Everly home. The ways your are, right at this very moment praying our daughter home. 

She will be home.

It takes a village, it takes a lot of hard work, it takes faith. But she will be home....

In a little while...

These last few days have been exceptionally difficult for me. Not for any other reason but that I miss my girl. I have thought of her often and the kids daily remind me that "When Ev gets here she will..." In a little while she will be here.
She will splash around the pool with her sister and brothers. She will jammie up after a bath and watch a movie with her people. She will love or hate pizza, she will definitely love Target.
This time next year will be very different for our family. We will be a family of 6...
I am so looking forward to that day of hugging her for the first time. Kissing her on top of her sweet head, readying her room and making her bed.
To be honest this has been the most difficult of our adoptions. Just about everything that could go wrong has. I am praying that the rest of it will go smoothly. I know that God has a plan for us and for Everly. I know there is a reason behind all of this waiting and mix ups. I know that God has already orchestrated this beautiful reunion to His liking. I know there is reason why financially it doesn't make sense.
But honestly, in my heart, I'm struggling. When I see you out and about and you ask me how we are doing and how the road to Everly is coming along I will smile and say fine! I love to talk about her and the thought of her being close to us :)
But I miss her. I miss her being near and I miss her in our family. See, when you fall in love with a child halfway around the world you tend to be only 3/4 really there. The other 1/4 is in an orphanage. My thoughts are constantly with her. My heart is always with her.
It was our choice to bring home Everly. It was our choice to sacrifice and fundraise and save and fundraise some more. It will be worth everything once she is home. And I may never really understand the holdups and the incredible amount of time that I feel this is taking (although I tell Shannon all the time that we should actually be bringing two home and that is why this is taking soooo long).
But until then I will dream. I will pray and I will be thankful. Because in a little while....
She will be home.

Update...

It is so hard to believe that it has been so long since we have updated this blog! I have such great intentions when it comes to this blog but finding the time to sit and be still... yeah that kind of escapes me.
We are done with our paperwork and homestudy and we will be sending it to the courier tomorrow to be authenticated and such. It will go to the Chinese Embassy in Washington and get all stamped up and prettied. But believe me that I will be waiting with baited breath  until it is safely at WACAP! Once it leaves us it will go directly to our agency for review. We are however waiting for a clearance from GA from the time Shannon spent there in the Army. Somewhere between sending off our immigration and our homestudy being done GA opened up it's clearance data base. So we will need to get an addendum to our homestudy once that comes back. We will get a "pink slip" from immigration since it isn't all together. Please pray that this is done quickly. This has been the most frustrating adoption paperchase by far and mercy, I am pooped! Seems as soon as we get one step ahead something comes up to push is back. But we will not falter. God is in control and that is just what I keep telling myself.
We did get an update and she really hasn't grown too much since we got her last update in December. She is really so incredibly precious. Another family was able to get a 3 minute video of her and she has the sweetest voice and you can just tell she is full of personality!
People have asked for ways that they can help us. I normally don't just put things out there but we need help financially. It is so hard for me to put that out there but this really isn't about me. It is about bringing our daughter home.
We had some things come up and left us with very little in our savings. LoveGave and a generous donation from a family in our home church was applied to our homestudy and agency fees. We actually owe our agency a whopping $30.00 which is amazing and God has moved some serious mountains for our Everly. We will be yard sale with a  few other families at our church in May, we are tossing around having a family fair/craft kind of thing. We will do whatever we have to do to bring our girl home.
I know that God has this. I know His plan is for us. But my flesh begins to fret when it comes to bringing her home. We are saving for travel right now and her orphanage donation. We have established that only one of us may be traveling.
Please pray for our family that we not have anymore set backs ad that the much needed funds will come to us and that we will be given the opportunity to work and save more. Please pray for Everly that her heart will be open to our family and she will make a smooth transition away from the only home she has ever known.  

And just like that

I got a message that a family was able to see and hug our girl. Today. 30 minutes after I posted my last post I saw Everly's face. From today.

I cannot even wrap my head around it. I have looked at her picture a thousand times today.

Proverbs 25:25 "Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land."

Thank you, Lord. I needed that today more than ever.

Running in place...

Many of you have asked for an update in where we are in our adoption process. Well, I feel like we are running in place at the moment.

We are STILL waiting on Shannon's NJ clearances to come back. Seems they (NJ) decided to change the process where clearances are concerned. Our social worker sent the clearances and got word we had to resend with more necessary  paperwork. Awesome.
Once our home study went to our agency for review (meaning it was DONE and we were just waiting for their stamp of approval) they thought it was necessary to have my step mom included in the clearances. So we get her paperwork filled out and sent to the home study agency. We wait. And wait. And are still waiting on clearances for her. She will also need to be fingerprinted by USCIS which is another 85.00. All of this is necessary (??) because she keeps our children in our home overnight (with my husband here, mind you.) Their (placing agency) thought was that because she is included in our HS as staying in our home it would be easier to get it done rather than them request it once it has already hit the fingerprint stage.

So we wait. And I am so not good at waiting. I know, it is all in God's time. But to be completely honest I suck at this part. I want to move forward. We cannot get an update until our HS is complete. We cannot apply for grants until our HS is complete. We cannot move forward in BRINGING HER HOME until our HS is complete.

I have been in the biggest blah funk ever. I am sure I felt this way with Sam and Norah but cant remember.

There are several families in Luohe right now bringing their kids home. Some have posted pictures from the LOCC and just knowing that my daughter is in that building is KILLING me. I need a picture, a sign, a little something that takes the heaviness off of my heart. Something. Anything. I need some relief. I am feeling desperate, my insides are all out of control and antsy. I pray every night to dream of her, just to feel close to her.

I know this sounds crazy but I feel like she needs me. Now. There is just a heaviness. I can't explain it. I pray every night that God will protect her. That she will stay safe.

Please pray for Everly. Please pray that this paperwork will be completed quickly and the rest of this process will move along.

Lord, I know all of her life is in your hands. I need not feel like I need to be in control because she is YOUR daughter too. Please help me to surrender this process to you, as it is yours. Please prepare her heart and ours to unite as a family. Please take care of her. Please comfort her and protect her. Amen...

Ways to Help

People have asked how they can help us in this journey to Everly. We have a few ways set up at this time.

1. HerStory Bracelets: The kids chose their fabric, we chose ours and of course there is the Everly bracelet. The kids came up with one word that they think best describes their sister. Elias {Extraordinary} Norah {Important} Samuel {Beautiful} and Mom and Dad chose {Adored}. You can click the link to the right to order yours if you so choose :) These will be available through February. What a great Easter or Mother's Day gift!!

2. Just Love Coffee: This is a really awesome coffee shop out of Tennessee. The owners are adoptive parents that just want to help other families out. So, they allow us to set up shop and get a portion of the sales. How cool is that??? That link is on the left as well!

3. Donating: We have a PayPal account set up if you choose to donate. PayPal is a secure site and the money goes straight to brining our girl home. You don't need to have a paypal account to donate, just your debit/credit card.

Thank you to everyone that has purchased HerStory bracelets. Thank you for helping our family bring this little girl home. God has been so incredibly gracious to us this far but we have a long way to go.

We will be having several yardsales when the weather gets a bit warmer and I will keep you posted on that ! I LOVE a good yardsale!

Please keep our family in prayer during this time of preparing and waiting. Please pray that we will have the funds needed to complete this journey set before us.

Thank you!! <3 p="">


 

Early Morning Thinkging...

I was up this morning around 4:30. Shannon was up before getting dressed for work, so by default I seemed to rise and (not so much) shine a little earlier then usual. I fixed a pretty cup of coffee and sat down to check my email and look over facebook.
For the last few days we have been confined to our house due to the weather. Wednesday we lost power for most of the day throughout the night. We finally got it back around 3:00am Thursday morning. I must admit that I enjoyed having no power. No computer. No phone. No internet. It was a nice reprieve from the normal. We played, talked, wondered what to do next, ate dinner by candlelight. And that dinner consisted of PB&J, chips and milk. It was awesome!!
During this time I couldn't help but think about my Everly. I wondered what it was like at her orphanage and if they had heat.
I wondered what our life was going to be like with her home and was a little scared at what that might look like. We have seemed to settle into this really comfortable vibe around here. We all have a job and we do it. We all have a place and we know where that is.
All of that is going to be shaken up a bit here shortly. All of the normal is going out the window. I've done this twice already so I know what is getting ready to go down. And it makes me a little nervous.
I asked Norah last night, "Norah, what are you going to do if Ev wants to sit in my lap all the time. And needs lots of hugs from momma, and takes up A LOT of my time?"
Her reply, "I'll just pull her off of your lap and we can play. But only when she has been here a long time and is used to us."
She talks about her sister a lot. The boys not so much. They know she is coming home but I honestly don't know if Sam has a clue. Elias will ask questions but Norah has incorporated her into our day to day already. I try to explain to her that things may be a little different when she comes home for a little while. She just shrugs and plans their next big adventure. Bless her.
I'll be really honest. I don't like this part of the journey. The not knowing. Not knowing if she is alright, if she is being taken care of, how things will be once she is home. Not knowing how this shift will effect everyone involved. Not knowing how to communicate with a 9 year old that speaks Mandarin. Wondering what her favorite color is. Will she like music? Movies? Us?!?
When will we travel? How will we really make this financially? What will the end of this journey look like and what will her story look like?
I cant wait to show you her picture. Those sweet lips, that porcelain skin. Oh, y'all she is to precious for words. She is petite, precious and she is a Sharp. And she is half way around the world. It is the most humbling feeling to know that. To know that God chose this family again despite our shortcomings. Despite how many times I think I have failed as a mom. He chose us again. I am honored and so thankful that He saw fit to use us.